Reds and Blues
Blues:
I had been pretty sick over the weekends. Worked on my night shift over xmas eve and got home real tired. No... not that xmas holds much weight in my schedule, but well, people like to ask what I did for xmas eve and the day itself. So yah... I was working. Been rough... So I got home on xmas day itself, ready to throw myself into bed. But my cousin brought along her kid and another cousin's kids. They went into a rampage in my room, refusing to let me sleep as they want to hang on to this dear laptop.... mmmm... now I am wondering if I should put this under Reds or Blues. Ok... I sort of enjoyed their presense. To see joyful innocence in them, I am really envious of their almost carefree life. Looking at them made me forget about the troubles I had in my mind. It is a tranquil feeling... I just can't be alone. Where my mind will start torturing my soul again...
Well, anyway, because of the lack of sleep, I fell sick. It was a pretty ugly sight... I mean myself on xmas day. I slept through the whole of xmas, and boxing until 4+. I had to get myself off bed to get to work again. It wasn't the best night again. Hell of a night.... plenty of issues. I wasn't in the best of moods, and I chatted very little with the rest of the people over the night. I just wanted to get home.
Reds:
Liverpool has been winning! It has been 15 long years since we last see a little success on the trot. It has been quite a wait for all liverpool supporters. Hope we can smash those asses of those blueshites tomorrow night at goodison!
I got out with some friends and had some time chatting and playing mahjong. It makes me forget my own troubles...
And I just got my NS posting. Yup... at long last. When is my reservist?!?!?! I have been waiting for so long!!! hahaha...
yeah... that's about it!
Interesting...
Bad stuff aside,
Had dinner with Thim yesterday night(yea, it is after 12 already). She is indeed an interesting character with very interesting interests in life. We had a pretty good chat over dinner, talking about IPs, information routing, building stress, transistors, 'lines', language preference, food preferences, proper diet, history, snails, horses, slime, cinnamon and etc etc....
In fact the spectrum is so wide, it is hard to believe we only chat for like an hour plus to two...
She has the most amazing interests in life, and the things she do can be quite astonishing. yea... and she is the most intelligent lady in her office! If you don't believe we can have a bet on it! Yea... and there are plenty of other stuff I am most facinated by her.
Yesh... and she still owe me desserts. So I am still waiting... patiently...
Oh yah... her car is pretty nice... no doubts, but can be a little messy. But who cares! ha...
It's the season to be ****?
Fill in the blanks ladies and gentlemen...
I felt down these days. I think I am going through a patch similar to what happened during my year 3 semester 1. Everything in life is going wrong. I am heading into a direction that I see as dark and cloudy.
It is going to be bad times ahead...
Yea... it is doom and gloom these days. This morning I seen the most hostile sms I have ever seen... a brief exchange of smses... and my whole day had just started on the wrong footing. I feel tired... physically... and I feel drained out... mentally...
So much for efforts spent and time sacrificed most sincerely.
Anyway, the game is over. The End.
Next is work... my new boss is throwing me into a dilemna. He is giving me the shittiest job in this world. Or should I say he intends to give it to me. I have thought about it hard and thoroughly. I shall reject it right from the start... but hopefully he give me views some hoots... and spare me from this. Please... let me go... I don't want to be in the other situation... spare me a thought...
Family... I don't even want to say anything about it anymore. 10 years ago it is something like that, 10 years later, it has became worse... damn...
Give me a reprieve...
I will have to save myself again...
Never there
It has been quite eventful lately...
Yah, over the weeks I have been jogging. Why would that be consider under 'eventful'? Of course, people who know me well will know how much I hate to jog. It is almost like telling me to go jump off from 50 floors. Well... for the sake of my team, I got to get my fitness up and stamina back again. So far it had been pretty effective. I can actually feel the difference during the soccer match. So yah... good to jog, swim and do some exercise regularly everyone!
Then over the weekend, went for a drink. Had a strongbow together with the fish n chips over at father flanagan's at chjimes. I must say it has to be the worst combination in the world. After that, my tummy feel kinda weird and I couldn't take anymore drinks. Basically the night was wasted away over there. Navin went back early as his girlfriend was complaining. Ting went to chat with some of his friends and I was basically sitting alone watching portsmouth playing against I can't even remember which team. It was so damn boring... When hanacek came along, he was asking why I was alone. Next he proceeded to criticise the poor service at the pub. The week before the lady was better. When she cleared our empty cups, she would ask if we want any more drinks. But last weekend it was this guy. Very passive and don't smile at all. Didn't bother about our empty pints as well. Hanacek was hugely unimpressed. We left after watching the game. I almost fell asleep while chatting with Hanacek. It was that boring...
Sunday I had a soccer game. Played pretty alright I think. I haven't had a game for quite some time since... mmmm... quite some time. Somehow I got a feeling my brain is failing me already... But the game was pretty good. It was a simple game although we conceded two goals. I won't really say they were my fault, and we won the game after all... so well, didn't really matter in the end does it? Important thing is I had fun at the game. But I picked up a back injury that day. Initially it felt quite painful... actually I still ain't sure what is the extent, but now it feels like a bruise. So hope it isn't too bad and won't affect much of my walking or have any permanent damage to the back...
The stuff that messed up again is my work. After changing of boss, now he want me to move to another shift, another fab. I ain't really keen on doing that actually. I prefer to stay in my fab and more critically, my current shift. I like the people in my shift and we share a lot of stuff in common. So... mmm... think I would tell my boss as soon as possible about how I felt. One thing he told me that day was that I had a good reputation in the company so far, which also puzzled him.
After I heard that, I am really thankful to Hafiq(It has to be him who has been 'advertising' me). I knew he has a lot of faith in me and wanted to groom me in a sense. Now I am a bit disappointed that he had left for another department. Not just in my own personal issue. Hafiq is a good boss, guide and mentor. He is genuinely interested in the fab issues, and constantly wants to be updated on the statuses. I respect him a lot for that and I put in a lot more effort in my work, a major influence being him as the boss.
And with him as my boss, I'm sure I have more chance to shine. Even when the management had not seen me before, they already know me. I myself am quite puzzled at times too. That shows how much weight Hafiq's words are worth... but too bad ar.. now I suppose I have to work hard on my own self and excel/shine.
I had wanted to find someone to talk about this, but that person is never there. Oh well... never mind actually. It just gives me a few more insight to how the situation is currently.
Yea... so yah that's about it for now. gotta go sleep, tmr meeting hanren early at bugis...
seeya guys!
Shuffling and tossing
I just got used to living a life so often undisturbed. Now it is about to be shaken again.
My boss just changed. I like my previous boss, and I wonder why some of my colleagues don't. Or should I say counterpart... yes I have to agree when it comes to administration, he isn't really the best. He tends to forget things like my OT and some of my mandatory trainings. But he really cares for me, and gives me opportunities which some others don't. He pushes me to do work, keeps me on my toes by constantly asking me on the line issues. Not that he is keeping an eye on me, but because he is genuinely interested in the line issues. He also keep a lookout for me, and giving me guidance whenever I need them, with the ultimate patience in any situation.
I screwed up big time last saturday, and all he did was give me a mini reprimandation(although I told the whole world I got screwed big time... hahaha). I respect him to the max really. He is the kind of boss whom I am most willing to work for and give my extra 100% for. But well... now he has gone over to another module... all I can say now is...
All the Best Hafiq! (Hope you get promoted soon!)
And all this time, I had wanted to talk about it. But well, not really having the chance. It is a disappointment, but I have already got used to the feeling. Actually not really, but more or less I'm coming to the grip of it. I have my own life to live... and my own concerns to take care of too. I won't count on anyone anymore to give me promises which are too hard to keep. Even though to me, they are simple as ABC, but to them, it is as hard as scaling Mt Everest...
Shuffling shuffling...
Life is like playing a game of dice. You get to toss at times, you let others toss at times. You win, you lose. But always, the result is changing...
Everything is changing always...
It takes some time to get used to it all, doesn't it?
Gripe more you asshole!!
I just finished griping, and saw that what I have written is virtually all the negative thoughts that I have pent up all along.
Have you watched You've Got Mail? When one says everything out at one shot, he/she is bound to regret soon after for all the words sprew...
Now I know what that freaking means. I sent an email pronouncing the world is dead and shouting accusations to someone. I am sick, I am thinking negatively. But after griping and thinking through it, I realised I am the biggest idiot ever standing on the surface of the world. Almost... I still agree on many parts of the email, just that the fire is too hot for the type... ha...
I had to send an apologising email after that to hammer myself and ask for forgiveness.
Did I hear someone shout 'WUSS' in the background? To some I may be one, but to admit the wrong I am in, and the hurtful words I used, is courage, that is my own opinion. You can slate me for all you want...
I will just say the divine words to you 'FUCK YOU!' followed by 'FUCK OFF!'
no maybe not... to people like bangwen and terence I would. hahaha... those assholes...(actually I always wanted to use SOB, but it is just not right, cause I aint scolding them, I am scolding their mums. Which in my opinion is a big NO NO.)
ok enough, the champagnes all dried up... gotta stop.
Another bottle pls...
Pour the champagne
How life went past these days is of a little mystery to me too. I haven't felt more alive than I used to be. How do I say that, or should I say what happened that prompted my statement.
Simple enough, I fell sick. Yesh, that is right, I fell sick. Not just physically sick, but mentally too. If I aint alive, would all these happen? Of course not. I am only truly human when one fall into a coughing fit, nose that is runny all the while, and shivering in the hot afternoon sun. Actually it isn't that hot, just warm. But that is good enough. Just want to get my point across that is.
As for my mental state. Yesh... it is not exactly in the best frames of mind recently. I felt neglected, I felt things are very different from the past. There are new friends I made, new things I got exposed to. But some experiences just keeps on coming back to haunt me again and again.
Spare me please... what have I done to deserve such an action upon myself? I always thought that I had done my best, and in return all I get is a simple thank you. People don't get wrong ideas, unless someone give it, be it willingly or unwillingly. I heard what Celia told me the other time, you never fight hard enough, you just give up so easily. For the things one wanted, you will have to go to the very end, until everything is gone...
I listened and I understood. I wouldn't give up. But am I given a freaking chance to prove that I am the one deserving of the spot in our lives? Just tell me even in a million years, you will still stick with the person who gave you the pack of lies so many years ago. I will stand down and say 'that's it, I give up!'.
I am freaking incoherent man...
