Surrealism - Memories Holiday
“Let’s not talk about it anymore…”A long and rare holiday… just the right time I thought to get back all the energy lost over the past few weeks of frantic work and immense stress. Had a good lunch with the chums at one of the restaurants down by the street, followed by dinner with the family. And thinking that the next good thing to happen would be to have a good night’s rest. Unfortunately sometimes things don’t just happen the way you want it to be. It has to be one of the most puzzling stomach disorders I had for years. The pain just came on the stroke of three in the morning, and lasted till five. Sharp pain that pierce right through the stomach. The last time I had that kind of pain is a pretty severe food poisoning, as far as I was concern back then. Luckily it wasn’t that bad this time round, but the origin of the problem was as puzzling as solving a murder case. You have all your clues, but you make no sense out of it… oh well… so I spent most of my time in bed on the first day, hearing people having a good time out there. No, I wasn’t on a complaining note… I appreciated it in fact. I had a great rest, despite the persistent pain in the tummy. I had to go out in the evening with the chums, since I have already agreed to do so before hand. It would be so much of a spoilt sport if I haven’t gone over. AMJ was having a great night, slaughtering me and my paycheck. Ha… I wasn’t really too bothered about the money issue anyway, its good to see pals all gathering together and having fun and laughter. But the pain in the tummy really did restrict some of those fun… but well… everything’s going to end up well eventually… don’t they? So I got back the next morning, and had a relative short rest before proceeding to meet up with another bunch of friends for some games again. It was a pretty tiring second day of the holidays.
But I managed to get back home eventually. Pretty tired actually. Then I remembered having to meet Mich from the IT department for a coffee in the evening. So I had a little shower and proceed out to the coffee place next to our building. It’s amazing how many different types of shops and stalls we have down by the seventh street. There is this nice cozy bakery, with two sets of tables and chairs for the morning birds. They have the greatest bread around the neighbourhood… as compared to other streets… we have a little pet shop, thought they sell lots of birds… we have this little gift shops, and they sell stitching stuff and equipments… talking about stitching, Mich is into a bit of stitching herself too. Handicrafts which require lots of patience and skill. Mich always claims that she has a big temper to me. But well, so far the receiving end seems to be either her mom or her boyfriend. Maybe I had been lucky… well you never know. Well, we clicked well, and we have plenty of stuff to talk about.
We were talking about love the other day. I was jokingly saying how lousy a person I am, stating those as the reasons why I never got a girlfriend. I supposed she took it pretty seriously, and threatened to blow her temper if I don’t stop ‘degrading’ myself. Amazing…
It really brought back some memories… the one time I would experience the glass shattering into a million pieces. Few years ago, I got to know Juan. Those were the days, when one is so young and just does things without thinking. She is a sweet looking girl from next door. Back then I thought she was like a couple of years younger then me. But hell no… when I started chatting with her, she wasn’t. She has such a kiddish voice, so cute and angelic. We went out together… for movies, for dinner, or just sitting around in the park, talking about stuff in our life. We were like peas and carrots… we talked on the phone, late into the nights… we chat about how we should have met each other earlier, and talked about how things would go if we had been together, and what may happen if we get married. She is such a sweet girl… I followed my heart through and through, ignoring my mind all the while. In fact, I was so sure about it, I was so in love with her, hundred and ten percent. I asked her on one of those nights, where I had believed that love will be coming home too. No… so unfortunately… no… the answer I got from her is ‘I’m not ready yet, don’t wait for me. And you are too good for me’. Heaven came crashing down, thunder roars across the skies. I sat down, all and thoroughly heart shattered. A few days later… I gathered that I should give her some time. Yesh, she might not have gotten over her failed relationship. And I can wait. All because she is the one in my heart. A few weeks later, I got drafted and had been cut off from the rest of the world all so regularly. One day, three months later, I saw a message from her. ‘Sorry, I am now already attached’ greeted my weary, sleep deprived mind. Just when I pieced the glass together, she had to smash it up again…
I couldn’t forget her for some years to come. And from there on, I never dare to give that hundred and ten percent anymore. Sometimes I don’t even dare to try. I listen to my brain and not my heart… the next time I gave my heart another chance, it ended up at the wrong end of the station again. I told TS about it before too… he laughed at me, for being such a soft hearted idiot. “I haven’t heard of another idiot who couldn’t let go for 3 years” he scorned at me… in actual fact, I knew he loved his previous girl so much, that’s about the amount of time he spent getting over her too. He was lucky, his previous girl got married. That period of time he was really down in the dumps. But it put a stop to his misery… mine was like a endless pit… maybe that’s one of the reasons why we are both such great pals… we both love so deeply…
After that he knew how scared I am on committing again. Maybe he too… he would always say “let it be… let it just come by itself. Someday, someone is going to appreciate you as yourself, and you appreciating her as herself. No need to change, no need to hide. That’s how love should be.” I remembered I just nodded, with my coffee in my hands, at the same coffee place, at the same table which I am now seated with Mich. Slowly I sipped the coffee in my cup… looking out of the glass panel. “What are you thinking about?” she asked as she picked up her coffee, sensing me drifting off into my own world. “Thinking about love… I am just too tired to go find it anymore.” I said as I shifted my gaze upon her. She told me the same thing… “Don’t worry, the girl in your life will come find you.” and she ended that sentence with a trailing smile. I smiled back, and we both indulged in our coffee. I looked up into the skies, and saw the stars all out for the night. They are beautiful and they are lovely… they just reminded me to Tammy’s eyes. Big and sparkling… my thoughts just spiraled off soon after…
It's another lovely night… starry starry night…
posted by luxy @ 8:24 PM
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