Surrealism - Last Requests (Part III)
“Why don’t you leave me alone?”I see flashes of light as I slowly blinked my eyes… it is morning already. My glass is lying on the floor, with its contents from previous night flowing through my veins. Hell, it is giving me another headache. If I have to get myself a new life, I need to get rid of the liquor first. Fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes passed… I’m still sprawled all over the ground. How I wish I can just lay down forever in this way.
Escapism is all over my mind…
I want to run from all this. It has been a nightmare. But… can I really do it? It has proven to be a curse, a recurring one… I took a deep breath and it gave me a coughing fit. My lungs felt like they are bursting. ‘What the heck did I drink last night?’ my mind asked. Oh… half a bottle of chivas. That’s nasty. I managed to grab the nearest leg of the sofa and pulled myself closer to it. Or did the sofa moved to me? Not that it really matters; I was sitting on it a minute later.
What a night…
I retrieved my cell phone from the dustbin, amidst all the ash and cigarette butts. I’ve got to get myself an ashtray one of these days too… amazingly, my high school headmaster’s face surfaced that moment. ‘No smoking in school! Even teachers! What makes YOU think you can do it, you little punk?!’ that’s a little distraction. My gaze fell back to the phone. Instinctively I keyed in her name.
My lost love…
I closed my eyes, memories flooded my poor mind. I can feel the emotions getting control over me, while I felt the anguish in the heart and the edge of my eyes warmed by tears. I have not been the same person four years ago. I’ve changed so much for her. Softer, more sensitive, more emotional… now I am suffering from them.
I shouldn’t have changed in the first place…
I clenched my fists... I will do it, one step at a time. I deleted her name from the list. I scrolled through the messages, read each and every one of them one more time. Slowly, I deleted them one by one too, from the very first day to the last. It is seeping away. The pictures were harder. I was reluctant… when the heart told my mind to stop doing it. I took another deep breath, this time never choking. I deleted them…
‘Remember me… don’t let go of the things between us…’
I step into the room where her stuff occupied most of the spaces. I remember the day when she moved in, she was literally screaming the roof off. She hates to see my garments all over the place; she hates the color of my curtains; she packs her soft toys by the bed; the dresser is cluttered with her cosmetics; her clothes are still hanging in the closet…
‘Why are you ignoring me? What did I do wrongly?’
One by one, I removed the clothes from the closet. Each and every a lingering memory. There is one which we bought together during our first month. Another which was bought to celebrate her mom’s birthday. A set of bikini during a trip to the Caribbean’s. And a Mickey mouse T when we celebrated our second year in the wonderland of Disney. And the rest… I folded them slowly and deliberately. I relived each memory again and lay them to rest…
The toilets and rest of the room can wait. The heart needs a break, the mind needs a holiday…
‘Do you really want to give up on everything and treat me like a stranger?’
Last requests… from her…
What am I to say?
Do I really have an answer to the questions?
I closed my eyes and let my mind wander…
I see her outside the door…
I closed the door…
Goodbye……
posted by luxy @ 5:54 AM
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