Surrealism - Drowning the Past
“I’ll call you in a while k…”I sat by the phone waiting for some time. Seconds, minutes and hours gone by and nothing was heard, except for the leaking tap dripping incessantly in the kitchen sink. The shroud of darkness crept into the room as evening beckons. I looked out from my room and see the overcast skies, waiting to unleash the pent up rain again. It has been rainy these days, nonstop…
A sign of sadness…
I sat down by the balcony, into the embrace of the chair that we bought together some time ago. It was meant to be a little corner where the two of us can just relax and read books and newspapers during the weekends, with a soothing cup of juice to chase away the heat in the hot summer days. A little sanctuary, with just the two of us…
Our little lovely haven…
A flick of my lighter, I lit up a cigarette and see the smothering end burn in the dark. A took a deep drag, and watch the smoke disperse slowly as I exhale. The two of us is just like the cloud that appeared… slowly disintegrating into nothing ever existed. I buried my face in my palms and I can feel the numbness in my soul. The downpour begins but I can feel warmth in my palms… from the tears that flowed from my crying eyes…
I crumbled as heaven cries for me…
Things have changed, I have to admit. She is no longer the princess that I have known ever since she came back. She has a life that is no longer integrated with mine. We are no longer in touch of each other’s life. And it doesn’t matter to her anymore whether I am concern or not. She is like a butterfly, finding a flower which complements her beauty more than mine. And so she left for someone else…
My wild guesses…
I sat up and pull myself off the chair. Closed my eyes… I set my mind on a recovery course. I see giant waves in my mind, engulfing all the thoughts that were splashing all over just now. Slowly every lingering and painful thought get washed away… but I am no immortal. The scar is deeply engraved into the core of my heart. Oh how it hurts…
I need a drink…
Slowly as I swallow the shot of whiskey. I feel the blood vessels dilating and heart pumping faster after every second. Reaching for the bottle, I poured myself another five shots. It was mechanical as I downed every single one of them. Feeling the clouding of my mind, slowly I drift into a state of semi-consciousness. The thoughts come in bits and patches… and none of them of happiness which I once tasted.
Drifting off…
The rain had stuttered into a slight drizzle that comes and goes when I woke up in the middle of the night. I can feel a slight shiver as the temperature drops and the cold wind blows. The cold damp air almost made me forget about the splitting headache resulting from the boozing. I pulled my crumbled state into the room, closer to the warm patches of my floor rug. I remembered having a horrible dream, of the two of us arguing over the phone. I was angry, and I was hurt… and I remembered slamming the phone to the ground… everything that I will do only in my dreams. I couldn’t bear to shout at her, scold her or even throw the phone with her over it. I only do them in my own dream world… all because of a pure blind love…
I recited to myself the poems that I’ve written to her…
‘They are beautiful, but don’t be like the stars…’
I couldn’t continue with the rest. I would need more drinks if I continue… I have to stop myself from this fall, before I spiral into a case of depression. I popped a couple of painkillers before heaving myself onto my sofa. I thought to myself, even the storm will pass, and the sun will shine again. I’ve got to pull myself out of this mess…
And I will…
posted by luxy @ 5:00 PM
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