Flashbacks
Its 3am in the morning. I just finished the book Titled 'The Bleachers' By John Grisham. It's not your usual law stories. I've read another of his non-law book, 'The Painted House' and I've enjoyed it as much as his usual. This book on the other hand, does look a lot less imposing than the rest of the lot.Why?
It is like half the size, one and a half times the font size and paragraphing. I wonder what kind of magic he can conjure up this time round... note for one thing is, not all his books are on my favorites list. Personally I just can't finish 'The Street Lawyer'. Too draggy...
Anyway... back to this book and what I am going to write.
Ok, some people blog about the latest happenings, some people blog about their lives and things revolving them everyday. If you have a colorful and brilliantly active lifestyle, there will be plenty to write. Not me... and not that I am ashamed of it.
I just happen to be a person who can fully enjoy solitude, quiet environments and sleep(plenty of it to be exact). So what do I do when I twisted my ankle(which currently is my physical status) and sort of immobilised myself? I play a lot of online games, sleeps a lot and read a lot.
No one like to blog about their online games when it is almost a recuring act all the time. Nothing interesting. Dreams can be interesting... but I can't pen anything good without proper motivation. Dreams definitely don't motivate me.
So what does the trick?
One thing for sure, emotions that are running high. Next up will be thought provoking themes. When emotions run high, I can do a lot of imagination. My poems and the on and off 'Surrealism'(I wish I can say it is my trademark... but somehow... I resisted.) are usually written on such days. Of course, every one of them packs reality and fantasy. Which part is which, is up to the readers to guess. That is the interesting part about writing 'Surrealism'. I like to amuse myself... and wonder to myself which part the readers might guess is real, which is fantasy. Yup... at times when I run out of that inspiration, that does help me finish some parts of the story.
So today, I'm back to thought provoking themes.
Ok, most of the time, I can my mind and heart pricked by reading. TVs have their contributions, so does motion pictures. Life of course is a component, but many times what flashes about in my life, I keep them in my memory banks. Hard to get them into writing. It's like a mini pool of resources waiting to be tapped. Reading something thought provoking is the catalyst that opens that bank.
Today, it's the book.
I won't be touching on the book. If you happen to read this post and find it interesting, you can always go to the library and find the book and read it. I finished it in two and a half hours of non-stop(almost) reading. So here it goes.
Have you ever thought of how you happened to be the person you are today? Over the years, how much you have changed. I do it pretty often. There are points which I feel that they are positive and glad that they are. There are also points which turned for the worse. Whether I can change them, or will change them, will be something in the future.
What I want to talk about today is the people who influenced and mould the person that 'I FEEL' is the person I am today.
First, and luckily for me, is my form teacher from primary four to six, Mrs Jenny Ow. Till this day she still belong in a part of my heart. She taught both my sister and I, and knew who my brother was. She knew our differences. In my class, the students do form quite an interesting bunch. We had all sorts... the good, the bad and the neutral. Some teachers naturally have their favorites and you can see the obvious even through the eyes of the blind.
She didn't...(I used past tense not because she don't do it now, but because she had passed away when I was fourteen.)
I wonder if I should use this word. But after pondering for a while, I really think I can, and there is really no other word to describe how she taught and treated us. She loved us as her students, and taught us all with a loving heart. A true and loving heart. Just like a mother to all of us. Back then, probably we were all so young, I didn't realise the importance of that. After a few years down the road, as the mind starts to think, I realised how much impact it is to me and my future life.
I've learnt from her to be true to people. Love and Compassion to people who deserves it. I wasn't as amazing as her... and I don't think I can ever get to that level. I've known for now, I always treat the people who deserve it.. truthfully. The rest... I don't know... they treat me with half truths and half lies... I'll leave it here for this point.
Next up, if you believe it, goes straight to junior college. I did enjoy secondary school, but I didn't change much. No one really influence me back then.
In junior college, I was just another bum, trying to get a certificate and open my doors to university. Two teacher... taught me one single lesson in life using their different ways. First, my physics teacher Mr Chin. Second is my Chemistry teacher Mdm Tay.
Mr Chin somehow surprised me back in JC. I only started taking physics after the first three months and I realised that it was pretty tough to get my lazy mentality to catch up on the lessons lost. The physics department has decided only to touch on anything taught in the first three months to a miserly percentage of around ten. My goodness... I had a rough time understanding the three laws of kinematics(or was it kinetics...anyway, till now, even after my engineering degree, I still get confused). Soon there are laws of gravity and electricity...
I flunk my physics all the way for first year and most of the early parts of second.
One day, Mr Chin asked me to list the three laws of kinematics during lab time. He knew I was one of those who had given physics a miss previously. I gave three laws of KSmatics... all screwed. What his reaction was I still remember today. The class laughed, he raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. His exact words 'From today onwards, for my lectures you sit at the front row.'
I brushed it off...
Next day eleven in the morning was physics lecture by Mr Chin. He arrived, prepared his stuff, got his slides on. He looked around and settled down. First thing he said 'KS, are you here today?'. I was in the second row from the back with the rest of the bummers. I raised my hand and said 'Yes cher...(back then before army, that's how it is called. After army, everyone is Sir and Ma'am)'. He replied with a nonchalant tone 'Aren't you suppose to be in the first row?' I sat there and never reply him I thought he is just going to wave it away just like all the other issues.
He stood there for a good minute looking at me, then he said 'If you are not coming down, I will not start the lecture. I'm waiting for you.' Now I didn't have a choice, do I? Everyone was looking at me at that point of time. I just became a mini celebrity. I packed my stuff quickly and scoot down as fast as possible, with a pathetic attempt to hide my face. The day the unofficial personal tutorage that Mr Chin is going to give me just started.
From that day on, the pace of the lectures is dictated not by Mr Chin, but by me. He would always talk about some concepts and ask me if I understand. No need to cheat him or lie to him. If I say yes, he will get to explain to him in front of the whole class. I learnt that through the embarassing way of course. So if I don't know, or unsure, I'll just tell him the truth. He would then go back to where ever I had stopped understanding and start all over again.
Talk about pressure!
Every time we have a quiz, he would pass me mine, with a F/E grade and tell me this, 'KS, you can do it. I know you can do it. You just don't want to study...' then he would start asking me the questions in the quiz and explain to everyone in the class. But he don't give you the answer straight. He gives you bits and hints, hoping you catch it and follow up. I still remember his smile when we catch up. He would say, 'See.... you all know! It's just that you all use the wrong way to remember...'
Next is Mdm Tay,
She was only assigned to our class on our second year. Our first year chemistry teacher and moved on and became a Vice Principal in another school. Mdm Tay's style is very different from Miss Ng(my previous tutor). She would come in class, expecting the guys to finish their tutorials and ask questions. We are a bunch of students who almost never do...(ok... exceptions. The girls do their tutorials and assignments, but always tell us they never. At times they do tell us they did, but they refuse to let us copy. Our top ace in class always does his work, but there is only one copy, not enough to spread around.)
She worked real hard to condition us and change us.
She would give us extra classes after school, just my class so we do our work and understand what we did. She would drill into us the important points over and over again. I visited her on a once-per-semester basis, even till now. She told me that she thought our class was weak and focused a lot on us. When the exams are near, she would schedule extra classes(meant for weaker students, welcoming all of course) to help us again. She encourage peer studying, to help each other. She encouraged shy students to approach her individually. She encourage people to speak up.
She is forever encouraging us...
They taught me the lesson of Commitment. Once again, I can never reach their level of commitment. I can be real commited to any cause, as long as there is a good chance of results. For people, results or no results, I am firmly commited to any promise or work as long as that person deserves it. For my tutors, they are even commited to lost causes...
They also taught me another very important issue, which will be reinforced during my stint in National Service. Respect is to be earned and not to due to just anybody.
I still, like I said perviously, visit them once in a while to refresh our memories. Mdm Tay remembers me, as I always go see her, every semester since I ORDed. Mr Chin has some vague memories of me, but he knew me as one of the old boys and treat me like an old friend everytime I go back. It's always great to chat with him.
And I still go back these days.
Next up... National Service. Frankly I can't really single out any one person as per say as the main influence factor. It is the whole stint in NS that really mould how I do things in life.
Many people in life, as they rise up in the ranks, they start to forget the people and the lifestyle they left behind. They start acting like they are at higher levels and all below are items only good for manufacturing fertilizers. I scorn at this kind of people. They expect people to listen to them, show them due respect, be submissive and say 'Yes Me Lord'. I shall refrain from profanities... but they can go fly their kite...
Army has taught me, to get respect, you need to gain respect. To gain respect, one thing for sure is to know how to show respect first. Show respect to your seniors, counterparts and juniors. Work together, and not against each other. No matter how high you go, no one has the knowledge of everything. Everyone can learn from each other.
To get Respect, one must earn it. How it can be done... will depend on each different situation. That I will not elaborate.
Army also taught me the almost exclusive cliche to Army'ed' people, 'Do it once and do it good'. Many of these are taught and embedded in OCS. If you want that to happen, do all necessary preparations and get your intelligence(for the non-inducted, it's information) correct. Plan for future actions, follow ups. So usually I do things with a lot of care and deliberations. I hate slipshod work and I almost hate last minutes decisions(LMD). But I live with, cope with, and overcome LMDs as per of life. It happens all the time, and Army drilled that into us reasonably well.
I don't think I have a chance to lead a section/platoon/company to battle, but leading myself and the people around me, that I do have reasonable confidence.
But Army had reduced my fuse to the one millimetre type. Before army, I was a pretty patient person. But my unit S4 changed all that. He picked on me all the time. He side with outsiders and arm wrestle me. He mistreat all under him. He talks big. But in front of his bosses... he is a weasel. Useless person who stammers and say yes to even the most ridiculous and incredible requests. He can't even read properly from a clear, well documented script written by his three subordinates in front of big shots.
Due to his hardball ways with me, I've learn that being a person with a shorter plug sometimes is a life saver. These people at times just bully people who are nice. No need to be nice to these people. Bite back, yell back, kick back. Don't be a goody two shoes all the time. Fight back!
But it does influence me generally, so overall, my patience had shorten, even for nice people at times. This is the one thing I regret and I totally can't change(as of now). I've tried to regulate, with nonconclusive results.
I almost give up... but OCS taught me one thing... never give up until the fat lady sings. I cannot give up...
I am still trying to solve it until this day. Working on it...
Mmm.. I thought I have more... but after one and half hours of typing... I'm kind of tired. I think I need a break. Shall stop here for today.
posted by luxy @ 2:59 AM
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