Surrealism - Last Requests (Part II)
"Will you walk with me one last time?"I stay still, lying on my bed in the still of the night. It's warm, the mind is tired but roaming, I'm perspiring, I couldn't sleep. I closed my eyes again, trying to sleep again. The same images surfaced in my mind. The sunsets, the long walks along the beach, her running in front of me at the edges of the receding tide, the giggles and the laughters... suddenly my mind hurts. I sat up, rubbing my throbbing temples.
When am I going to get this out of my system...
I glanced at the table clock that is emitting an almost soulful redness. I squint a little. I've slept on the opposite direction tonight. I was feeling a little weird right from the start of the day. Or was it the chivas that rendered me incapable of thinking for those precious little moments? I can't remember...
It's the messages that are killing my mind...
I picked up my phone and went through the messages that sent me today. I'll tell you she is one lady whom I loved and hated. Well, isn't it always the case for every guy out there(and even for the gals, for all that matters). She wanted me to call her, message her, not to forget her... and yet she want me to keep my distance, don't get so close to her, forgive her for the decision she made all so cruelly. I didn't know if I was gracious enough to accept that. I always remember JNT's words-'Am I suppose to accept your apologies when you apologised after slapping me?'
Spare me from this torturing decision making...
I sat down and pondered what I am suppose to tell her. I also thought of how I am going to treat her from this day on. Force a smile and treat that everything is a nightmare that I have awaken from? Just laugh it off and say i've never felt anything and never will again? Be ever so tolerant so her tempers and moods? I don't know what I will do, I don't know what I should do and I don't know what path I should take from now on to close this miserable chapter.
Give up... it is all a nightmare...
I dragged myself off the bed to my desk. Switching on the lamp, I pulled out my trusty pencil and notepad with the intention to pen down my thoughts. I scribbled something non-related on the notepad which I mindlessly vandalised. I tapped my pencil on it, making fine pencil lead markings and punching holes into the fragile pad. The words came randomly, the images blurred. I see a faint smile, hear a slight laughter, sense a tear of sadness... too much thoughts and emotions, everything is a whirlpool. It is driving my sanity to the brink of collapse.
Oh.... spare me the agony...
Slowly I walked to the fridge and grab a handful of ice cubes. One by one I dropped that into my favorite crystal clear wine glass. I always love the jingle of ice knocking around the glass. For a moment, I felt serenity. I pour some chivas and settle down by the balcony. How I wish she was beside me at this moment. She is now gone... sipping on the brown liquid, I can almost smile the scent of her perfume that has fully penetrated the cushion that I am using now. Her soft and gentle touch... her sweet melodious voice... her soothing kiss... her warm hugs...
Gone... all gone...
Will you kiss me one more time? Will you hug me one last time? You will say you love me one more time?
Last Requests.... ones that will never be fulfilled...
I rocked the ice slowly... another sip... I began to close my eyes...
It felt heavy...
It is heavy...
I'm drifting...
I'm gone...
posted by luxy @ 2:10 AM
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