Surrealism - Rain and Pain
“It can’t be happening again…”The drizzle fizzles on outside, with a slight inclination of a looming storm ahead. I stole a glance out of the window, all the while hiding under the cover of my warmest blanket. It is going to be hell of a day… it wouldn’t be the case if I had not the need to leave the sanctuary of my room.
Work beckons… as usual.
Pulling off the blanket, the wave of cold engulfed my naked body. Shivers down the spine tickles my mind, sending tingling sensations down the spine… I grabbed a robe nearby to shelter from the cold. A quick visit to the loo, a splash of water on my frozen face… life slowly seeps, through every pore and flows through my body…
It is going to be hell of a day…
A quick browse through the papers, with the news reporting in the guest room. A sip through my favorite coffee and a bite of freshly baked muffins. Life suddenly felt so much better. ‘You can either choose to be happy or sad everyday.’ A simple thought, a quick smile…
It isn’t going to be too much of a hassle to go through today after all…
Positive thinking… way to keep my sanity and happiness in this dark and crazy world. I grab hold of my trench coat and top hat. Opening the oak door that shields my world from outside, I felt the onrushing lap of coldness upon me. Stepping out, I took a brief glimpse at my watch. 8.23am…
I’m late…
I felt every drop of rain on my trench coat. Walking along the path beside Everett Park, I can smell the drenched earth beside me. I loved that smell… always remind me how life can be as simple as can be, if you are willing to give up everything. Someday I will do that… someday. And I will live in the hills, nestling in the gentle warmth of nature.
Dreams to keep me alive…
And of course for now it remains a dream. What a better way to wake myself up from it, by reaching the steps of my office. “Heavy rain huh? If only I can be sleeping in my bed now…” I turned my head and saw Mr. Tang. Yea… I shared the same sentiments too. “Late too huh? Bladdy weather to be working isn’t it?” I acknowledge with a nod and a raised eyebrow.
“You know, she isn’t going to be coming back for you, anytime soon.”
I heard a voice in my mind saying that to me while I was typing away furiously at a report that I have been owing my boss for the past three weeks. In fact, I wonder if my boss remembered the report. Well I got my answer when my phone rang, and my boss inquiring about it. Just like every morning… I like to deceive myself a little at times. It does make life seem more reasonable at times. But reality is what we lived in, and rules are to be abided.
The sudden thought had my mind spinning off to another dimension…
I looked at the calendar seated right before the picture that we taken just a few months ago. Snowing mountains of Switzerland. It was beautiful… but things change. Or should I say changed. Everything is like a blur… before I can understand the situation, it was already gone. I felt a slight wrenching feeling in my heart. Things have indeed changed, and this is something I must not lie to myself…
Feelings falling to the ground again, like the rain from heaven…
Mr. Tang came by my office with a sandwich in both hands. “Egg with ham or tomato surprise?” as he slowly settled down in the couch by the side of my coffee machine. “Busy huh? What’s new in Mr. Lim’s work life again?” I managed a smile at him and threw a pencil at him. “Give me the egg.” And he duly obliged.
I began to lose my thoughts while I munched on the sandwich. “Thinking of her again? I told you she won’t be back to you so soon. Even if she does, will she feel the same again?” that question is indeed valid. Will she be the same again even if she is back? Will her tenderness be dwelling and her hugs warm? Frankly I have no idea… I feel that I have lost control of everything that holds to dear to me in that very instance… how I never felt the changes slowly unravel…
It is my own fault that things have gone this way…
She used to say how I am always willing to take up blame for issues between us even though it was never my fault. Well, when is the last time you hear anything about guys being IN the RIGHT? I loved her too much for her to feel that she is in the wrong. I rather I am the one in the dark while she is happy. Maybe I have been pressured too much, turning me into someone at times couldn’t care more. Sometimes I simply don’t care too…
Big mistake…
“Thanks for the reminder brother… and thanks for the sandwich”. He stood up and proceeds to the door. He knew that was his cue, and he knew it well. Not another word not another sound, he left as soon as he came. I fell into the hugs of my chair. A sigh escaped from my mouth… it has been a while. I can only pray hard that things shall tone down soon enough. I stared at the report that was half written on my computer screen. Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed while I pondered. I picked up the phone and dialed her number…
“I aren’t free to answer now, so if you want to date me out, either you find me first or ask my darling first! Either way, leave your message!”
Auto answering machines… how I hate them at times… I reached for my coat and hat. It has been a day to forget. I walked down the stairs slowly… thirty eight floors… that should take some time. The echo of my steps down the spiraling stairways shattered the silence that it has held for all so often. It will take some time indeed… and for me to settle out my thoughts for now.
Sentimental…
Forty minutes later… I am in the rain again… I have left without telling anyone… but people will know I am gone for now… it is 2.39pm. It is going to be a long walk, and it will take some time… I have time…
And I start off on my journey for now…
posted by luxy @ 12:07 AM
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